


Please take care of me

by pumpkinandbeanies



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Anxiety, Kissing, Lots of it, M/M, Suicide, Suicide mention, date, lots of angst tbh, two crushes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-16
Updated: 2017-12-15
Packaged: 2018-12-16 05:54:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11822589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pumpkinandbeanies/pseuds/pumpkinandbeanies
Summary: Dear Evan Hansen, things have been rough and I know it isn't easy, but you can go through this too.I haven't really ever learned to know Connor but he seems to open up more, it feels strange it feels like I'm not meant to play this part.Jared won't stop nagging about he and his mothers brownie points, but I haven't seen him around lately.I hope it will all make sense eventually.Thinking everything is fine is hard, I'm working on it.He gave me his email. I know it is for this school project but he is the closest friend I have got.Except for Jared. I wonder if he will stick around.Probably not.There's a reason I don't have friends, I think Connor knows how it feels. A little bit...





	1. Pilot

_Dear Evan Hansen, today isn't great._  
_..._  
_Dear Evan Hansen, today I will do my best._  
_We're supposed to do a group project, and nobody likes me._  
_I'm afraid some one who hates me will be paired with me.  
_  
_I could work with Jared but I am unsure if he genuinely likes me or if he just hangs around me so his mother will buy him a new phone._  
_Maybe Alana, but I don't want her to feel like I'm using her._  
_She has really good grades, I will only way her down._  
_..._  
_She has really good grades, I don't think I'm her ideal partner._  
_And there's the long list of my kind-of friend list, it is really depressing really.  
_  
_Everyone else is succeeding with all this friend stuff, how come I can't?_  
_I think I'm just in all very unpleasing to be around._  
_I sweat a lot._  
_I stutter way too much._  
_I say a lot of weird stuff, often, and a lot._  
_There's nothing about me that's cool, I don't even have anything to offer people._  
_I think it's weird to not have friends at this age, mom is worried about me.  
_  
_She says she isn't but I can feel it, she looks at me like I'm a wounded puppy. I don't like her looks of pity._  
_I think that is worse than not having friends._  
 _No, it's not._  
_But almost._  
_..._  
_I don't like her look of pity._  
_I wish she would stop._

"Evan! Evan! Your friend is here!"  
There it is too, she seems so happy if some one mentions my name that knocks on the door.  
I make my way up from my bed and out in the hall.  
"Jared is here." she says with a happy face.  
I'm not really sure if Jared is the person I want to see right now, but I want to spare mom her looks of pity.

"Jared..Hi." I say, walking to the brown haired boy who unties his shoes. "Hellu Evan," he says. "And Ms Hansen, hello."  
"Hello Jared." She says with a smile even though I am hundred percent sure he heard her while she talked to me.  
Jared acts like a sugar pot around my mom, I think it is because she talks to his mom.

"Well honey, I gotta go." she says, making her way to the door where we're standing, she hesitates but kisses my forehead.  
"Be good." I nod, always mom.  
Then she's out of the door, I've stopped feeling a little bit emptier every time she leaves.

I look at Jared who looks bored, I immediately try to come up with something to say.  
"I, uh, do you want to go to my room?"  
"Sure." he says. I'm not sure what to think of that answer and I direct him to my room.

"Hey cheek this out." he sits down on my bed, dropping his bag beside it. I wrinkle my nose, I don't like people sitting on my bed, I'm sure Jared didn't pay attention to know that.

He pulls out a 3DS and starts it up, I sit down on the bed too. I know some activities that would be funnier to do but I don't mind watching Jared play.

"Here, try." he hands me it and I feel my hand shaking. What if I drop it? What if it brakes? Mom can't pay for that?  
"N-no..No I can'-" "Yes you can."  
I tried playing Mario on it but I know I'm bad, and I can see Jared thinks so too, looking sceptical at me.

"Like this." He puts his arm on either side of me, helping me control it. "Y-you can just have it back otherwise that's c-cool with me I know I su-" "No, c'mon. A teenage guy with no friends who can't play games is probably the most depressing thing ever." He says. "Just follow my lead."  
Jared almost never lets me play, I don't know what so different about today. I try to do my best, at least I won't see Jareds disapproving face like this.


	2. Dear Evan Hansen: Letter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor and Evan gets paired on a group project.

"Jared Kleinman and May Leon.

Alana Beck and Mei Izumi

Ben Dewees and Josh Medellin.

David Klein and Zoe Murthy.

Connor Murthy and Evan Hansen.

Sandy Cherry and Alicia Pyron."

 

Evan looks around the classroom. Connor Murthy... ! That's Zoe's brother.  
Jared seems to quickly look away when I look at him, I quirk my eyebrow lightly but he is already trying to charm May.  
Connor isn't coming to say hi, I realise. I looks around when I notice I have no idea what Connor looks like.

"Ex-Excus-Excuse m.." I try at the teacher but I quickly give up.  
I could ask Zoe. Who am I kidding I could never do that. So I do the only thing I know how to do, I sits by my desk and fidget with my fingers.

Someone goes past me and I think it's just whoever in my class until they back a few steps again and I see its Zoey.

"Did you end up with Connor? You poor thing." She looks at the back of the class, a guy in brown, pretty long hair and a dark blue hoodie.  
I see my the solution to my problem and look where she looks and sees him, understanding who he was, Zoe quickly leaves.

I hesitate before standing up and going over to the Murphy guy.

"H-H-Hi I-I..I'm the perso-son whoooos whos.." "I'll guess, you're Evan?" He says, still looking at his phone in a very uninterested manner.  
"D-do you s-sho-should.." "Okay..uh. Evan." he says, looking up from his phone, he gives me the creeps and I immediately look away which I seconds later feel bad about doing.

"I don't want to do this, and I do not want to do it with you. I'm going to be here, I am going to hum every now and then and when this is done we're not going to talk, ever, again."

He lifts his eyebrow. "Have I made myself clear?"  
wow that was harsh. "Y-y-yes." I say, nodding quickly.

Evan shoots Jared a glance, gosh he wishes he had ended up with him instead, this guy seems, hard..  
I drag a hand through my hair. "So..d-do you w-want t-t-to start or..?" He sighs but stands up.  
"I guess so."

I follow him in a hurry through the halls, not only does he walks faster than me but he is also taller, much taller I notice when I catch up with him.  
"Whe-Where are we..we g-going?"  
"Somewhere private." he replies and takes a turn and goes into a group room.  
"Oh."

"So how do..do you..want to do it?" Connor grabs his chair roughly and sits down, I flinch lightly and I see him starting to get annoyed at me.  
"Sit down and write and I give you some criticism."

I sit down, sceptically but tries not to show it. I've been with too many people who want to skip on school work.  
To my surprise, after I've written a while Connor starts to lean in. "You should correct that, you don't want to make her emotion obvious," he says, pointing at my text.

"R-r-really?"  
He nods his head, "Mhm."  
"Y-y-you can l-look closer if you want." I say and turns the notebook around.

He doesn't seem to happy about it but doesn't complain,  
"Pen, Your pen." he gesticulates for you to give him my pencil. "S-sure." I give it to him and he starts writing notes on the side.  
  
I look at him interested as he scribbles, his hand writing is horrible but I do not comment on it.  
I sit quiet, as I always do.

“This is better” he tells me and gives me back the paper. Having commented or changed most of it, I open my mouth to speak but when I look up from the paper again he has already taken his bag, stood up and turned around.  
  
“So..” “We’ll continue another time” he answers me before he walks up, I take the paper and stand up. I hold it close to my body and waits a few minutes before I also leave the classroom.

When I get home I still have the paper close to my chest and not to my surprise moms not home.  
I place it on the kitchen table as I reach for a sandwich and butter.  
There’s no butter left.  
So I have two choices.  
Buy more butter or eat the sandwich without butter.

I don’t want to go to the store and eating a sandwich without anything on seems awfully dry.  
I write mom a note to get butter and place it with a magnet on the fridge right next to the calendar and another yellow note telling her to buy more butter, written four days ago.

I sigh and takes away the old note so she wont feel bad about it and throws it away before I head up to my room.  
  
I sat down on my bed and takes up my computer and just sits with it opened for a while before I start writing.  
  
_Dear Evan Hansen._  
 _We have started a new group project in school and I ended up with_ Zoeys _older brother Connor._  
 _He seems pretty rude when I talked to him and we started working, but he did actually_ looked _at my writing like he said he would._

_He corrected many things too but I didn’t read it through yet, it felt weird to do it while I was walking home, to weird to read in school if Connor would_ se _-_  
  
I get interrupted by a Skype call on my computer.  
From Jared, of course.  
I answer it but turns of the cam like I always do.  
  
“Heeey Evan! I heard you ended up with Connor? Niiice” He says and even though I know he can’t see me I feel a bit embarrassed by it, fidgeting with the end of my shirt.  
“He’s not that bad” I tell him, but I don’t really know what I think of him.  
“Uhu” he says and I feel the great sarcasm in his voice.

“What’s..uh.. May like then?” I ask, the only reason I remember her name is because she is named after a month.  
“Oh she’s nice. And smart, I can for once have some one else do my projects for me.”  
“You’re unbelievable.” I tell him after I’ve gone through all the other words my mom thought me you shouldn’t tell other people.

“What? She can work and I can have a good view of her b-“ “Bye Jared.” I say before he has time t finish and tries to go back to my letter but I have a hard time concentrating.

_If Connor would see me reading it he would think I care way_ to _much and I didn’t want to leave it at school either._  
 _I’ll probably forget about it and then he can blame me for it._

_He doesn’t seem interested in me, and_ honestly _I can’t blame me._  
 _The only “friend” I have is Jared, it’s nothing to show of with._  
 _(Sorry if you’re reading this Jared)_

_How will I know I’m doing the right thing?_  
 _Or will he be mad at me no matter what I do or write_.  
  
_It feels like that’s my life._  
 _Nothing I say or write is right._  
  
_I hope for another day, a better day._


End file.
